By
Jim Sheahan
Bard College Sports Information Director
The only thing
Andrew Cortrite can say for sure about his experience with cancer is that it changed his life.
Precisely how it changed his life … that's another question entirely.
“I'm a different person,” said Cortrite, a junior libero on the Bard College men's volleyball team. “I still feel like I'm in a transition, though. I'm different now than I was before I had cancer, and I'll probably be different by the time I graduate. It's hard to pinpoint. I'm just different.”
His arrival at Bard came out of a desire to be somewhere other than the Los Angeles area, and out of his unusual interest in Japanese culture. As a boy in Santa Monica, Cortrite was fascinated by anime, Japanese cars … and anything else Japanese. Bard's renowned Asian Studies program was a lure, and the rustic Bard setting was a draw as well.
“Growing up in L.A. my entire life, I'd never seen anything like the Hudson Valley before,” Cortrite said. “It's beautiful. Plus, Bard was the 'best' school I got into.”
Cortrite was a self-described hardcore basketball player in his youth. But he quit hoop after 10th grade at Crossroads School – a small, private school – to pursue volleyball, something he'd fallen in love with after simply using it as a way to cross-train for basketball season.
Bard offered Div. III volleyball and a degree in Asian Studies. Cortrite started school and like many freshmen, struggled with his grades and getting settled. He used the opportunity in those first couple of years to pursue other potential subjects he thought might interest him – biology, history and literature, for example – and although it helped make him sure that Asian Studies was his passion, it wasn't great for his GPA.
As a member of the volleyball team, Cortrite went from outside hitter, to setter, to just about every other position on the court in those first two seasons. He enjoyed the camaraderie and the competition, and by the end of his sophomore year his academic plan was more focused, and his life was moving along nicely.
Bard went 17-13 and won the Skyline Conference championship in his freshman year, and in his sophomore year, the Raptors went 16-16 and lost in the Skyline title game. He made the All-Skyline Conference Second Team as a freshman and the All-Skyline First Team as a sophomore.
He planned in the summer after his sophomore year to participate in the “Bard in Japan” Intensive Summer Program – a five-week stay in Kyoto, Japan, with classes six days a week in language, culture and field research. He'd never been to Japan before, but he'd been dreaming of it all his life and could not wait to go.
Before he left in May of 2009, Andrew noticed a bump on the left side of his neck. A visible bump. There was no pain or discomfort.
“We didn't think anything of it and decided to wait until I got back from Japan,” Cortrite said.
While in Japan, the bump got bigger. Cortrite enjoyed his trip – especially the quality of the sushi in the eateries around the Kyoto Seika University campus – but when he got home, he went to see a doctor right away. A biopsy was ordered.
Andrew awoke from the biopsy with his parents – Alicia and Mike – standing over him as he came out of a drug-induced sleep. He was just getting his bearings when his parents told him that doctors had found cancer and removed one of his salivary glands.
It was non-Hodgkin's lymphoma – cancer of the lymphoid system, like the lymph nodes, spleen and other organs of the immune system. After further tests by an oncologist, it was determined that the cancer had spread to other areas, and Cortrite needed chemotherapy, radiation or both.
“It wasn't like a ridiculous shock, because I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it was possible that it was cancer,” Cortrite said. “I was told that there was a 95 percent chance that it was going to go away and never come back. But there always was the five percent chance, and I couldn't help but think about it.”
He admits that for the first time in his life, at age 20, his began to consider his own mortality. He was given the choice of five rounds of chemotherapy and one of radiation, or six rounds of chemotherapy. He chose the latter.
“You sit in a chair for five hours, or sometimes eight hours, and they just pump you full of chemicals,” Cortrite said. “That wasn't the hard part. It was after. A lot of nausea, a lot of throwing up. It was depressing. I had no energy. I felt like my body was just shutting down and betraying me.”
Cortrite endured the six sessions of chemotherapy – three weeks apart – and it took him about a week-and-a-half to recover after each session. He lost 18 pounds and all of his hair.
“I didn't mind losing my hair at the time,” Cortrite said. “I didn't even wear a hat or anything. But when I look back at the pictures of myself … I looked ill. I was ill.”
During his treatments and in the tortured, nauseous hours and days that followed, Cortrite lost himself in books. He chose books about Japanese religion and culture, and Buddhism was a common theme in his readings.
A few days before Christmas of 2009, Cortrite was declared cancer-free, and he had three weeks to prepare for the second semester at Bard.
But there was another change awaiting Cortrite at school, something that was just as much of a surprise as his cancer diagnosis. When he resumed his normal life at school, nothing felt right.
“I just felt like I was on another planet,” Cortrite said. “I was doing everything I used to do, but getting absolutely no joy out of it. It was a confusing time for me. They say it's a common thing to have this 'identity crisis' after cancer.
“I was in a transitional stage – somewhere between my former self and where I am now.”
Cortrite got through it, but he was a changed person.
“Right now, I'm very concentrated on my school work, very disciplined about my school work, and I really enjoy doing it,” Cortrite said. “I have more drive … more of a purpose. Cancer kind of shocks you into maturity.
“I feel like I'm still working through things, and I feel like I'm going to be for at least another year or two,” Cortrite continued. “I was happier in my freshman and sophomore years, kind of blissfully unaware. I think it's a lot of the reason I felt so alienated when I got back.”
He has changed as a volleyball player, too.
“In previous years, I was playing volleyball for the sake of playing volleyball,” he said. “This year, every second on the court I can find that focus – I'm still honing this ability – it's like I found a switch in my brain that I can turn on and be completely focused. It's unlocked something in me. It's a new mental awareness.”
The results have been good not only for Cortrite but for the men's volleyball team. He's having his best season ever. He's been ranked among the national leaders in digs for most of the season in Div. III and he was named the Most Outstanding Player after the Bard Raptors Tournament last month.
“When he came to watch our match against Yeshiva last year, we all wanted him to suit up,” said Bard junior Nick Chan. “He still didn't have any hair then.
“I think the whole thing matured him,” Chan said. “From a volleyball standpoint, he keeps the ball alive for us back there. He's a better player than he was before.”
The closeness of the team has made a big difference in Cortrite's life.
“We're a real community; it's like a family,” Cortrite said of the team. “It's been great to feel that sense of belonging.”
While he completes his junior year, he's begun to think about his Senior Project – an academic requirement unique to Bard. He anticipates his Senior Project will involve research about Buddhism and other “new wave” Japanese religions and their impact in America. This summer, he'll be back at Kyoto Seika University, studying Japanese language and culture for five intense weeks.
When he graduates in 2012, only part of his plan is formulated at this point. You can probably guess what it is.
“I would love to go to Japan – I would love to live in Japan,” Cortrite said. “Maybe I could teach English. Really my only direction right now is to go to Japan.”
